Top 3 Ways to Find Joy in Your Relationship

Look’s like this week is going to be full of quick, hot tips for you because today I am bringing you another three ideas I love, but instead of involving my morning routine, these are for your relationship. All three of these tips have helped my relationship with my husband time and time again and they are three tips I recommend to any friend that may come to me with advice on their relationship.

Number one is doing a weekly check in. You may have heard this tip before from me, but I am going to share it again because it is by far one of the best things we ever started doing. In fact, when we find we are struggling connecting, we realize that we may have missed a few weeks of this. This check in, however, has a few important parts, one being, to go over your calendars for the week so you both know and anticipate what is coming in each other lives. This helps you to be supportive of each other and know when one person may need some extra help or support that week. Next, is talking about what worked well over the past week. This is your time to acknowledge that little thing your partner did that you may not have thanked them for in the moment, or maybe you are trying something with your kiddos, and you feel like it went really well from your perspective…regardless, this is the time to highlight some of the GOOD that happened. After you talked about went well, you can talk about what didn’t go well and perhaps what you need more of. A good example of this for my husband and I is maybe not getting our workouts in for one of us. We both know these are important to us, so if perhaps one of us feels that didn’t happen, we both look at our calendars and figure out how, in the week moving forward, we can make that happen. Use this time to provide feedback on things that will help you and work together as a couple to find solutions.

My next tip is in reference to perspective. Two big perspective shifts helped me personally in our relationship. One was in reference to how I was receiving certain facets of our relationship and that is that your significant other is to INTENTIONALLY doing things to irritate, annoy, or upset you. Their actions are never coming from ill-intent. They love you and care about you and realizing that my husband wasn’t doing certain things because he wanted to hurt me, made my ability to speak up, so much easier. Many times it is a lack of understanding and truly a miscommunication that certain things happen, but regardless remembering that their intent behind things is never bad. Which brings me to my other perspective which is that many times my “issues” with things are not my husband’s fault…many times they are my own needs that I just haven’t communicated. As a result, when having tougher conversations, I have realized that prior to communicating my issues, I need to ask myself if the issue is actually a HIM problem or a ME problem. If it is a ME problem, I simply say this is something I am asking from you, that I need right now, for me. This perspective does take a lot of introspection, but when you can communicate in this way, it not only takes their defenses down, but it helps them to realize that the problem isn’t on them, the problem is simply that their partner just needs some extra support right now in a certain area.

My last tip is an easy one, but one that I think can simply get overlooked with busy schedules, lives, and children, and that is spending time together. You cannot expect your relationship to continue to grow and maintain if you do not actually make time for each other. Now, I am not saying you need to make this a big thing. Date nights and weekend aways are great and important, but I am taking this to a more micro level. When was the last time in the past week, you sat down just you and your partner, and talked? When was the last time you sat with no distractions around and actually connected? We can so easily take TIME for granted and what I have realized is that when I don’t get this time, I feel disconnected and we end up having way more miscommunications. Now, a great time to ensure this happens is at your weekly check ins. Sit down, have a cup of tea or a glass of wine together and put your phones away for 30 minutes. This time is IMPERATIVE. My husband and I have actually started playing games together a few evenings a week and honestly this is some of my favorite time we have. We laugh, we talk, we compete…we PLAY. These memories are quickly becoming some of my favorite and reminding yourselves that your family cannot survive if you do not water it’s core and that is you and your partner.

I hope you find these tips valuable. They have helped me and my husband significantly through a lot of various times in our relationship and I truly think they are some of the most important facets to our relationship. This year we will celebrate 7 years married and 15 years together and I love that our relationship still feels like new.

xoxo,

Melissa

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