Do you ever feel like there has got to be something wrong with you? Like why are you so irritable, moody, and frustrated? Or perhaps you feel like you just can’t do anything right?
A lot of women talk about mom gilt (which I’ve heard is the worst type of guilt you can experience), but I have to bring up wife guilt or even just that feeling in the pit of your stomach like something is wrong, but nothing is actually wrong, you are just in moment.
This has honestly been me for the past week and a half or so.
I don’t know what it is exactly but I feel like essentially I am not good enough and I can’t keep up with all of my balls in the air and as each one falls, I get a little bit more discouraged.
Now, I say this not to get sympathy or “I’m sorry girls.” While those are so kind, that isn’t why I am writing this post.
I am writing today because maybe one of you are feeling the same way I am feeling – overwhelmed, inadequate, and…irritable…definitely irritable.
I am hear to tell you (because in all honesty I need to tell myself), that it is okay and we are going to move past it.
It is okay to not feel “on” all of the time.
It is okay to have bad weeks or even months, where things just don’t feel exactly right.
For me, there have been a lot of questions….like, do I feel this way because I am hormonal (because that is always the issue right?), do I feel this way because I am tired or haven’t worked out? Is it because my diet isn’t the best?
So many questions and to be honest so many things to blame it on, but right now, nothing is explaining it and instead of trying to figure out the culprit, I am just accepting.
Accepting that I am a little off right now. Praying that John doesn’t leave me because I am such a b**** and hoping that soon and very soon I return back to normal.
In the mean time, I have worked out, I am eating better, I am trying to give myself grace in a season that came out of left field, and lastly, I am reminding myself to stop trying to diagnose (nurse brain perhaps?) and just be.
For me, here is what it comes down to. One I think I am irritable because of stress. There has been a lot of life going on behind the scenes here at TCD and I am a worry wort, so I tend to get affected by things a bit more easily than others. Next, is staying up late. I NEED to go to bed earlier. It is a must. But the last thing, and the one I think that is affecting me most, is that I keep breaking promises to myself.
Think of it this way, you have a friend you says she is going to do XYZ and doesn’t. The first time, you are like okay, that is fine, she is my friend. After the third, fourth, and even the fifth time, you are ready to remove that friend from your life because she isn’t reliable any longer. It is the same with yourself. When you make a promise with yourself and you don’t keep it, you become less and less confident in who you are. This becomes a total negative cycle that ends up just repeating itself over and over and over again, until you realize what is exactly happening. Stop breaking promises with yourself.
If you feel like this is something you are doing, here is how I am going to remedy mine. First of all, take away all of the extreme promises – I am going to workout 5 times this week, I am going to eat so healthy, I am going…just stop. Now, make one small promise to yourself. Not five or three or even two. Just one. One small thing that fills you up and you know you can complete. Keep it simple. Now, do just that. Don’t worry about anything else, besides that one promise. Then next week, add a different one. Soon enough, you will be back to maintaining that confidence.
I say all of this because I am feeling it guys. I have felt insecure, questioned relationships, lost confidence within myself, etc. There isn’t any one thing that caused it, but I am currently in it and all I do know is that I am ready to move out of it. So today, let’s start taking the steps necessary to do that and the first one is one simple promise. What is your promise going to be for the week?