Jealousy. Wow. Not an easy topic to discuss. Regardless of how difficult it may be though, I think it is one every women faces at multiple phases of their lives. Personally, I don’t think jealousy ever really goes away for some and sadly it is an emotion we all have to deal with. I think the problem though, is how we deal with it.
We have all been there. Maybe it is another girl’s body, maybe it is her clothes, maybe it’s her house, or maybe it’s just her in general. You feel it bubbling inside of you like a nasty volcano you can’t seem to stop from erupting and before you know it, you are taking your anger and frustration out on someone else or even worse, yourself. It quickly begins the negative self-talk cycle and by time it is all over you just want to cry, pull on your nastiest pjs (because THEY ARE the most comfiest), grab a bag of the puffy cheetos and carry your pity party on in peace.
Anyone else carry it out that way? Just me? Oh….crap…whatever.
Regardless of how you experience it, we all know the feeling. It sucks and typically it’s someone close to you, which creates these negative emotions around someone you are supposed to love and be happy for.
I can tell you from experience it isn’t easy, but the other thing I can tell you, is that those emotions have got to be controlled because when it comes down to who jealousy is really affecting, we both know it is not the person you are jealous of! Jealous affects you and your happiness and your self growth and your relationships with others. So today, we are taking back control of our lives and we are going to learn how to kick that nasty beast every time it tries to rear its ugly green head. Let’s get started.
First things first. The only way to manage a negative emotion, is to have the ability to recognize when it is happening. You can’t learn to manage something if you don’t know what or when you are experiencing it. Typically, we can pin point when we are experiencing it, but instead of recognizing the emotion, we allow it to continue to take over. Instead of saying, I am being jealous right now, we continue that negative train in our heads and allow the real nasty portion of ourselves to show up in our lives. You know the girl I am talking about. The girl who says stuff she really shouldn’t say. The girl who projects our anger on to those we love through words like “Why can’t you…be x, y, and z.” It is a hard pill to swallow, but if we are going to move past this and into a place of self-love and happiness, then we have to start by recognizing the feeling.
Now that you have recognized it and know WHAT it is, we need to ask ourselves WHY we are experiencing it. Perhaps we are jealous of a friend’s banging body – “They look so good and here I am in my stretchy pants not feeling hot or confident what so ever. It was probably easy for them though, they could afford a trainer and they don’t have any kids, so they can go whenever they want. It’s just not fair. WHY can’t I look like them?” Sound like a familiar scenario? I thought so. It’s okay. Like I said, we have all been there.
So, we have figured out what that feeling is and we have a pretty good idea of why we are experiencing it. Now we need to look at ourselves and ask another question – how does that affect us? In the scenario before, maybe we just had a baby and have some extra weight we need to get rid of. Or maybe, we can’t afford that big of a house like they can and it makes us feel inadequate because we don’t make as much money. Whatever the reason, now it is time to reflect. What excuses are we providing for ourselves as to why we can’t obtain the same thing. This is where you need to get very honest with yourself. Sometimes its laziness, sometimes its money, and sometimes it’s just reality. Knowing how it relates to you, will help you move forward to the next step.
Now, it is time to fix the problem. First, you need to realize the grass is not always greener. My mom always gives me this example of how she was always really jealous of some of the other moms when us kids were growing up in regards to how big their houses were or how nice their cars were. Then, as us kids got older, many of those women she was jealous of, ended up getting a divorce, yet here my parents are still happily married. This is a horribly sad story and example, but I think it really helps to emphasize how the grass is not always greener. Those families may have had plenty of money, but inside those high ceilings was a marriage that was struggling. No one wants to go through something like that, and I think we so easily see someone else’s life and think it is better than ours, but many times it’s just the opposite. No one’s life is perfect and everyone has stuff in their lives.
Next, you need to make sure you have clear priorities. Write out what is most important to you. If a big house is important, than save all of your money so you can buy your dream home. If being healthy is important, then make fitness and eating well, a priority i your life. Once you have established where your priorities lie, you have to recognize that your priorities are not someone else’s and that is 100% okay. Embracing where you focus your time and energy will really help distract you from everyone else and decrease those feelings of jealousy because they are not important to you. If a fancy car is not a priority to you, then a friend with one will not affect you one bit. You will be happy for them and want to ride in it, instead of wondering why you don’t have one. And if you do experience jealousy in that situation, either you need to remind yourself of what your priorities are, or you need to change where you spend your time and energy. Which brings me to my next point…
Stay in your own lane. Get really clear on what is important and where your values lie and don’t stray from them. Focus all of your energy and efforts on them, and I can guarantee if you are absorbed in your journey and your path, you will not be thinking twice about what your next door neighbor is doing. It won’t matter to you because what you are doing is more important. By focusing this way, you will not only be happier because you are experiencing less jealousy, you will also be growing significantly more because you are working towards your priorities. You are working on bettering yourself, your family, etc.
Jealousy steals relationships and happiness from so many people. It makes them mean and nasty. Make the decision today to decrease those feelings by following this step by step guide and I can guarantee you will be significantly happier and more confident.
I know this is all easier said than done, but I hope this process helps to decrease those negative emotions and allow you to not only grow, but also your relationships.