A friend asked me a few weeks ago if I would like to join a bible study. I figured why not. It would be a great way to meet more girls in the area and really help to foster my faith a little more, something that I have felt hasn’t been the strongest for quite some time. When I arrived to the first meeting, I was even more pleasantly surprised to learn the topic of the study: Friendships that Fit.
Now, I don’t know about you, but one thing I always aim to work on is friendships. Growing up I was burned a lot by friends. I don’t know why exactly, but to be honest, I didn’t really have a friend stick in my life until college and when we met, I don’t think either of us anticipated we would develop a friendship. All other relationships, ended.
I have friends now that I grew up with, but we weren’t friends growing up. Our paths ended up crossing after college and since then have become much stronger. Personally, I don’t think it is a bad thing that I struggled with friendships growing up, but because of the constant burn, my relationships now are definitely affected.
It is funny too, because up until participating in this bible study and working through the course work, I never really realized how my past relationships affect my current ones. And what I love about this program, is that while the program is about creating lasting friendships, it is also about self-growth and awareness, which is why I wanted to share this with you.
Friendships and relationships in general, affect our day to day, everyday, most of the day. We are in constant contact with people and by learning these phases about ourselves, we are ultimately able to not only become a better friend, but ultimately foster and grow our relationships moving forward.
How often do you look at a situation with a friend and think that it was their fault? Or how often do you feel lonely and sad thinking you don’t have any friends at all? I know I have been there many times. I have been angry at friends for doing things, I have blamed them for ruining relationships, and I have felt that situations are all their fault.
However, after going through these phases (and I am still not done), I am realizing how much my thoughts, experiences, and opinions have just as much of an affect on my friendships.
In moving forward, I want you to ask yourself a couple of questions. First, evaluate your past relationships. Look at each situation and ask yourself how that affects your current relationships with your friends. Next, ask yourself what sorts of expectations you have on friendships. What type of friendship are you looking for? What type of friend do you need in your life. Now, ask yourself if you are that friend to other people. The qualities you listed in what you wanted from a friend, do they fit you as a friend? Lastly, ask yourself what you could do better in friendships. How can you be a better friend? Maybe you could listen more or share more or support more…whatever it may be, take one quality and focus on doing better in that one area.
That is it. I have been amazed at what I have learned about myself in moving through these questions and this bible study. It has been beautiful to see how there are so many factors that influence my relationships with a lot of those factors coming directly from me! Not from the other person.
One quality I am working on is not looking into things in my relationships. I tend to take things very personal and can actually be very insecure about my relationships with girls because of my experiences in the past. Moving forward, I want to remove my past experiences, and embrace friends and situations as they are. I am lucky to have quite a few good friends in my life currently, because sometimes I can be difficult due to my previous insecurities. So friends, if you are reading this, thank you for loving me.
I hope this provides a little food for thought for you all. I wanted to share because honestly this bible study has been a very positive force in my life and I feel despite religious preferences we can all learn from the basic premises.
I will share an update as I learn more and I can’t wait to hear how your relationships begin grow just through a little self-reflection.
xxoo,
Melissa
