Recently I have been participating in a bible study in which we discuss all about friendships. Currently, we are breaking everything down and attempting to find out what type of friend we are by study ourselves inwardly. Immediately after discussion, it was pretty clear to me what one of my biggest problems was: Expectations. I put MY expectations and standards on other people and when they don’t meet those expectations I am let down and disappointed.
In fact, I really don’t just do this with friendships. Truthfully, I do this in all areas of my life. I place my expectations on friends, my career, where I thought my life should me, my family, my husband, etc. I always have some idea in my mind of what I believe it should look like. The real problem with this though, is that placing expectations on other people and things doesn’t affect them necessarily. It really just affects me.
Expectations that are not met, affect you and your relationships and experiences. Instead of allowing people to be who they are, you force your perspective on who they should be. There is a difference here, however, in helping others grow and realize potential, versus expecting everyone and everything to think as you do.
Since making this realization, I have attempted to decrease my expectations. Some may feel that by decreasing expectations you are decreasing standards, which could be true. However, in doing so, I feel that not only are you freed from the disappointment and heartbreak, you are able to allow people to flow into your life freely and unconditionally. Truthfully, I feel, that by decreasing your expectations, you are able to find more happiness.
As Stephen Hawking would say “My expectations were reduced to zero when I was 21. Everything since has been a bonus.” I love that. Everything since has been good things because there aren’t any predisposed notions or thoughts. You allow everything to be just as it is.
I don’t anticipate this will be easy, but I do love the idea of pulling all of the walls down and allowing things to come as they are. Allow people and experiences to unfold just as they are meant to unfold and I am sure you will have less stress and more happiness.
I think we are so quick to get wrapped up in x, y, z, but really we have no clue what is going on. We tend to be too quick to judge and too quick to create expectations out of people that may not be their reality.
I am excited to work on this moving forward. I am constantly upset about something or someone not meeting my expectations and it really only affects my relationships with them and makes me upset. In lowering my expectations and letting situations and relationships unfold just as they are meant and would have regardless of my expectations, I am freeing my mind, decreasing turmoil in my life, increasing happiness, and decreasing stress.
I am interested if any of you have this problem? Comment below!
xxoo,
Melissa
