One thing I talk a lot about on social media is this idea of “balance.” I realize this may not mean the same thing to everyone, and as a result I thought I would share what this means for #tcdbabes like you and why I talk about it so much. In order to really understand though, we have take a rewind….
Last year during this time, I was feeling like I couldn’t do it all. I couldn’t be a perfect wife, succeed at work, cook, clean, keep with friends and family, have a perfect body, etc. It got so frustrating because I constantly felt like I was being pulled in so many directions and I wasn’t doing well in any of them. I spoke to my husband about it and he asked me “Why do you put this pressure on yourself? Why do you feel you need to be perfect in all of these areas? You are an amazing wife and work so hard and do so well, yet you never seem to be able to see just how awesome you are.”
Those words stuck with me and they will are a beautiful reminder. You see, John was able to pinpoint it perfectly. I was the one putting the pressure on myself. I was the one thinking that all of the facets in my life needed to be picture perfect. Maybe that is just me and my perfectionist attitude, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that if I felt the pressure to be perfect, then other women had to as well.
I couldn’t possibly be the only one feeling pulled in a million directions and the more I asked around, the more I realized I wasn’t. It was comforting to know that there were other perfectionists out there struggling with the same problems, which is where the premise for The Chic Delight came from and idea of finding “balance.”
You see, people throw out this word balance like we are supposed to know what it means. One of the definitions states that balance is “a condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions.” I believe that this is the definition we most often leans towards and it is most commonly used in terms of fitness and health. For example, if I eat pizza today, I must workout. Or, if I have this bowl of pasta for lunch, I can’t have desert tonight. Balance. Right?
While this definition and these examples of balance are real and something we may struggle with (the truth is, you can’t eat whatever you want, but that’s okay), I prefer the other definition of balance: “an even distribution of weight enabling something or someone to remain upright and steady.”
You see, this is the definition of balance I am referring to. Finding common ground in which you are allowed to STAY UPRIGHT. In other words, finding what works for you, so you don’t drown yourself in the overwhelm.
Or another way, I want to help you with adulting because adulting freaking sucks and why are there so many responsibilities?
That is my goal.
We are ALL different. We all have different priorities, bodies, lives, etc. My balanced lifestyle is going to look significantly different than yours and that is 100% okay and right. We don’t want our lives to look the same. The key is finding ways to make it all work.
Like right now, I haven’t cleaned my apartment in over two weeks. I am pretty sure there is scum in my toilets but it hasn’t been my priority. We have traveled every weekend and during the week I am just trying to get through work and blogging haha. I have had a couple moments of overwhelm (I am one of those that when I have a dirty house it makes it hard to do anything) and because of it, my husband cancelled all of our obligations this weekend so that I could have a weekend at home to clean my house and get back on track. But that’s just it, on the outside it may look like everything is good (and probably my house isn’t that dirty to most), but I need a break. I need some time to recover and as a result, I am canceling plans so I can do just that.
This story brings up some important points about #tcdbalance. The first being, your perception of reality, is not actually reality. We are our own worst critics and what you may feel is not up to standards, is actually probably above most. Next, listen to your body and your needs. If you are super stressed out, cancel plans, take a “sick” day, get a massage, etc. Do what you need to do to allow yourself to recover (I say this now and I don’t have kids, so that could get realllll interesting. I know this is harder to do for my mommas) because you can’t help others and do all that you need to do, without helping your self first. So, take a note from this blog post, and learn to say NO. Third, figure out your priorities. I have a list. On that list I rank what’s important to me. I have my top 5 and everything falls below that. Dependent upon what is ranked at the top, is dependent upon what I have to balance out. For example, if I am focusing on my number three, but number one needs attention, I am going to put number three to the wayside and focus on number one, because that is my top priority. This list isn’t finite and should be updated with each phase of life, but when you break it down this way, you can easily see where your attention needs to lie.
Another definition of balance is “to keep or put (something) in a steady position so that it does not fall.” This is EXACTLY what we are doing for ourselves, friends. We are keeping ourselves upright, so that we DO NOT FALL. However, just as anything, sometimes we do fall, and that is okay. Just get right back up again and maybe rethink what is keeping you upright. And, throughout this process, always remember that you are not alone. We all fall, we all struggle staying upright, but we are all in this together. I will help you stay upright, if you will help me.
xxoo,
Melissa
