Saying no is something I have always struggled with. I think a lot of it is because I am a people pleaser, but I also hate to let people let down. Anyone else that way? You don’t like to rock the boat and you like to give of yourself because you care about people and you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. It can be exhausting.
One thing I have learned though, is that in order to give of yourself more to the things and people that really matter, you have to begin to say no.
I do hate thinking that I might let someone down or hurt someone by using the word no, but the truth is, is that no one really cares as much as we think they do. For example, often times we may interpret a friend’s actions as mean if they don’t do or respond in the way thought they might, but then after talking with them we realize it was all a big misunderstanding (anyone else overly sensitive?). This works in the same way. One you are totally overthinking everything (friends typically aren’t as mean as we try to accuse them of being because people don’t go out of their way TRYINGGG to be mean), and two no one care as much about your life as YOU. Here is another example, you know how you might be pimple and to you it seems like the size of jupiter, but when you point it out to a friend, they didn’t even notice..yah…that is EXACTLY what I’m talking about.
So, now that we have gotten that out of the way, let’s talk about why saying no is important…
Part of life, is realizing when you need to take a break. We all are guilty of overfilling our plates and doing as much as we can possibly cram into 24 hours, which is why learning to say no is so crucial. When we are constantly running and never taking the time to slow down or embrace the moment, we are never really allowing our authentic selves to shine because we don’t have TIME to be ourselves. We don’t have time to really do things we enjoy doing. Life has become this hamster wheel of acting upon what we “should” be doing instead of doing what matters most to us. By letting go of the shoulds and saying no to the unnecessaries, we make time for the YES and the cultivating.
Guys, this is the whole premise of The Chic Delight. Realizing you don’t have to fit into anyone else’s mold. The sooner you realize this, the better and the best way to do this is making time for what matters in our lives and saying no to was doesn’t serve us.
Say no to what doesn’t serve you. At first it is going to be difficult because saying yes is in our nature, but the more we say no, the more power we give back to ourselves. Start saying no and watch as your confidence, happiness, and love for yourself begins to grow.
In saying no to what doesn’t serve you, you are saying yes to the things that do. By saying yes to the things that serve you, you allow yourself to live your most authentic life which in turn cultivates everything and everyone else around you.
Some of you may not struggle with this. Some of you can very easily say no and that is probably because, although you want others to be happy, you aren’t a people pleaser at heart. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. In fact, I am a bit envious of your ability to do exactly what you want to do without internalization of other’s reactions.
But, for those of us that cannot do this, it is time to lay the boundaries. It is time to release this concept that we have to do everything and be everything to those we love and care about.
The honest truth: They should love you regardless.
I have begun implanting this into my day to day and I truly feel like it has been life changing for me. I still struggle with my concern for others, but it not only provides time I need for self-care, but it also lays boundaries and boundaries are okay.
Moving forward, let’s make a pact. Let’s begin to say no to situations we feel obligated to do and let’s release the internal battles we create for ourselves when we begin laying down our boundaries. It doesn’t make you a bad person and it certainly doesn’t do yourself any favors when you are spreading yourself too thin.
xoxo,
Melissa
