Today I had plans to tell you the story of how I became a nurse, but when I woke up this morning to write, I felt compelled to discuss something so different: Friendships. I will eventually give you my nursing story, but in honor of having one of my best friends in town, I thought it would be appropriate to discuss something I have truly struggled with ever since I was young, and the importance of honoring valuable relationships when you are lucky enough to find one.
So, let’s begin.
Ever since I was in elementary school I have been hurt by girlfriends. Typically this hurt and rejection would come after realizing I did not fit a certain mold they wanted me to conform to, but other times I was never able to figure out what had happened, because they just wouldn’t return my phone calls or texts. As I got older, I learned to cope with this pain a little bit better by realizing my worth, and understanding that I didn’t want to be friends with people who didn’t want to be friends with me. The saying “quality over quantity” rings so true here because the amount of friends you have does not determine your worth. It’s the quality of the friendships you do have, that truly matters.
Now, fast foward to today, I can easily say that I can count the amount of friends I have on one hand (outside of my amazing sisters and mom who I am very lucky to call my best friends, but truth be told, the have to love me haha). These amazing women all live in various parts of the country (DC, Oregon, CA..), but despite our distance, the have never once made me question my value to them. They stand so strong in our relationship despite knowing my hurt from the past, and continue to provide me with love and support in every aspect of my life.
To be honest, they may be the only ones reading this, but I think it is important to honor them. It is so hard to find people that support you no matter what. People that laugh at your weirdness and quirks…or fly across the country to see you in a moments notice. They send you flowers when you are sad or having a breakdown, or call you when you are crying in a bar bathroom after some beezy was rude to you (yes, these things have all happened). Those people that support you unconditionally deserve to be noticed because this thing called “Life” that we got so dramatically thrown into, is beautiful, but it is also a roller coaster. There are ups, and there are downs, and it is the time that you are down, that you find who truly matters.
Ever since I have moved to Charlotte, I have had a hard time establishing a community. I have had some difficult times with women and some difficult personal times with just pure adjustment, but through this entire journey, my tribe has continued to support me and I don’t know what I would do without them.
With that, I would like to offer 5 pieces of advice in helping you to find and establish your tribe…
1. Don’t judge a book by its cover – I have one friend that I actually dismissed because we seemed so different, but despite my OWN rudeness, she never gave up on me, and lucky for me, I get to now call her my friend.
2. Don’t be surprised to meet them in the most unique of places – one of my friends I met when we randomly got placed as roommates our junior year and another I met as a server in a restaurant.
3. Always, ALWAYS, address issues as soon as you experience them – I tend to be passive aggressive and not want to engage in conflict. Unfortunately, because of this, I was actually the cause of a lost friendship.
4. If they want to be in your life, they will make time for you – if they don’t (after addressing it of course, number #3), its okay to say goodbye. You deserve good people in your life that love you just as much as you love them.
5. BE REAL – the best way I have connected with my friends, is by being authentically me. They love me because I make up songs about them, hold dance parties in my living room on the reg, and eat the same amount as a 16 year-old boy. It’s okay. They are going to love you, and if they don’t, just remember that any insecurity they have with you, is truly a reflection of their own insecurities with themselves.
If you have read this far, we are truly dedicated to each other and I promise to not let you down 😉
I encourage you, today, to call a friend you have been thinking of and just tell them how much they mean to you.
Here is a quote I found that is so so true:
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty; to provide you with guidance and support; to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. What we must realize Is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has came to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never down. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life, It is said that love is bling, but friendship is clairvoyant.